Sabotage

Martha Stewart, I love you.  I really do.  I have your books, I subscribe to your magazine, and I frequent your website.  But I am convinced you are trying to sabotage me.  Last week, I had a craving for cookies, and fitting with my resolution to only eat junk food that I make myself (thank you Michael Pollan), I decided to whip some up.  I have always used the same chocolate chip cookie recipe, but I had just finished thumbing through a copy of Everyday Food where I came across a recipe for 'Giant Chocolate Chip Cookies'.  So I decided to give it a whirl.  I really should have known better.  What did I think was going to happen when you bake 1/4 cup balls of dough at 375 for 15 min??  Not good.  Would have been better off just eating the batter-that part was good.  Then, this morning I decided to try out her recipe for quinoa breakfast cereal (like oatmeal, minus the oats, plus the quinoa).  I've really been on a quinoa craze lately and I really liked the idea of quinoa for breakfast.  I followed the recipe to a T.  According to Martha, my quinoa breakfast cereal should have been ready in 15 min.  Nope.  35 minutes later, I settled for al dente quinoa.  It's a good thing quinoa is a complete protein, because by that point my blood sugar was really low and I was really crabby.  That's not to say all her recipes turn out this way...her rigatoni with chicken sausage, spinach and cream tomato sauce and her buttermilk banana pancakes are absolute family staples of ours.  So, I have created some guidelines for following Martha's recipes.  First, only attempt a new recipe when I'm in the right frame of mind.  That would be the 'oh, wow, failed again. That silly Martha!' sort of mood.  Second, wait to entertain with a Martha recipe until it is been tested and the kinks have been worked out.  Lastly, keep in mind that this is a dysfunctional relationship and just accept it.  All that being said, Martha I still love you...but I am watching my back.